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TOEIC・英語 大学生・専門学校生・社会人

英検に向けて英作文を書きました 添削や「こうしたらもっと良くなる」という点がありましたら、ぜひコメントよろしくお願いします🙇‍♂️ 客観的な意見を取り入れて、今後さらに良い作文を書きたいと思うので、ご協力お願いします

Topic Agree or Disagree: Help from the local community is crucial for raising children POINTS → discipline、safety、working parents、privacy 「肯定意見」 Iagree with the statement that help from the local community is crucial for raising children. There are two reasons to support this contention: the promotion in working for parents and the respect of discipline. These days, almost all the companies in Japan are facing the problem which is how they treat their employees who have children. In fact, these people, especially women, have difficulty in working. What the matters worse, many of them are forced to quit their job because of raising children. To deal with this problem, it is necessary for the local community to help parents raise children. Moreover, help from others will lead to promote the rate of women who continued working after childbirth. In other words, thanks to help from the local society, Japanese companies can improve their working environment. In addition to this, children will be sociable and polite if they are taken care of by another person of family. Also, children will realize the importance of cooperation with others. For these reasons, I strongly believe the local society should do more for parents who raise children.

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英語 中学生

日本のスポーツ「羽子板」についてのプレゼン原稿を書いたのですが、文法や単語など、合っているかを確認していただきたいです…! また、こうしたらより良くなるよってところがあれば是非教えていただきたいです!

D。 you know the Hanetsuki "? --Ihis..13..A.tkadi.tional.spor.t3 In..pan.en.New Yeat.s. Day …. !will talk about two points of Hanetsuki. -r2tly..1..w.lL.Intreduce..ebeut the..hiz.tory--2f It. There was "Grttyo" in Heran period. --I.9 Dne..of eld..spe.rts.. Gittyo wsed 'sticks" and. "Mari". Andr.In.the.Maramachi. peria.d.a.the..sticks.cha.nged..to.. Hagot ta'and Marī changed to "Hane ". The se..are..the..his.tory of. Hlane tuki.. However, 1 don'+ often'see playing with Hanetuki on New Years Day. -2.L.think..oany.people.dou'.tkntw.the.hule..of it. Then, Secondly,I will intro duce about the rule of it. - Peeple..continue the..kally.- when Hane toncheg thé ground, the rally cnds. --Thie.mle And._badminten's..kule..are inilar. But Hanetuki has unique rule. Winner.-give..ese..penalt of.-pa.inting..on.lu2e.r face wてth ink. エt TS. intvesting. These are two_ points of Hane tuki. --The ke..are..Various.fun.een.ts..T..Japan _now . For example, Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day.. Hananaty.k-_and..8o.0n.. So1 feel mahy people farost S01-Ihank.1tisImpsr.ta丘. be interested.in.old clture of Japan- the old culture of Jopon. -why.. don't. Jau.tky.lay.ikg. thaditianal.spkt.thi. New Year's Day.

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