Question

koki

英検に向けて英作文を書きました
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客観的な意見を取り入れて、今後さらに良い作文を書きたいと思うので、ご協力お願いします

Topic
Agree or Disagree: Help from the local community is crucial for raising children
POINTS → discipline、safety、working parents、privacy
「肯定意見」
Iagree with the statement that help from the local community is crucial for raising children.
There are two reasons to support this contention: the promotion in working for parents and
the respect of discipline.
These days, almost all the companies in Japan are facing the problem which is how they treat
their employees who have children. In fact, these people, especially women, have difficulty in
working. What the matters worse, many of them are forced to quit their job because of raising
children. To deal with this problem, it is necessary for the local community to help parents
raise children. Moreover, help from others will lead to promote the rate of women who
continued working after childbirth. In other words, thanks to help from the local society,
Japanese companies can improve their working environment.
In addition to this, children will be sociable and polite if they are taken care of by another
person of family. Also, children will realize the importance of cooperation with others.
For these reasons, I strongly believe the local society should do more for parents who raise
children.

英作文 英検