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TOEIC・English Undergraduate

英検に向けて英作文を書きました 添削や「こうしたらもっと良くなる」という点がありましたら、ぜひコメントよろしくお願いします🙇‍♂️ 客観的な意見を取り入れて、今後さらに良い作文を書きたいと思うので、ご協力お願いします

Topic Agree or Disagree: Help from the local community is crucial for raising children POINTS → discipline、safety、working parents、privacy 「肯定意見」 Iagree with the statement that help from the local community is crucial for raising children. There are two reasons to support this contention: the promotion in working for parents and the respect of discipline. These days, almost all the companies in Japan are facing the problem which is how they treat their employees who have children. In fact, these people, especially women, have difficulty in working. What the matters worse, many of them are forced to quit their job because of raising children. To deal with this problem, it is necessary for the local community to help parents raise children. Moreover, help from others will lead to promote the rate of women who continued working after childbirth. In other words, thanks to help from the local society, Japanese companies can improve their working environment. In addition to this, children will be sociable and polite if they are taken care of by another person of family. Also, children will realize the importance of cooperation with others. For these reasons, I strongly believe the local society should do more for parents who raise children.

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English Senior High

【2】を教えてください

| 以下の本文を読んで、後の問いに答えなさい。 eve where chocolate comes from? Chocolate is made from cacao beans. (の平均して), and more than 70 percent are from Ghana. In West Africa, cacao farmers are verv poor because their cacao beans are sonv low prices. Therefore, many parents cannot send their children to school. Also, often make their children work on cacao farms to help them. (Oによれば) UNICEF, ( ④の数) such children is about 50,000. Moreover, しn children working on the farms do heavy physical labor. twenty-kilogram baskets full of cacao beans on their heads all day long. A(6解決法) to this ( ®間題 ) is the fair trade system. This ( ©新しい) systeIn Is based on partnership between producers and companies that buy their cacao beans. It guarantees a minimum price for the beans, so the trading conditions are better 101 poor famers. This ( ®許す ) them to receive a higher income and improve their lives. (O結果として), their children do not need to work on the farms and can go to school. (O消費者)also play an important ( ①役割 ) in the fair trade system. It offers them a way to reduce ( ®銭困) through everyday shopping. Fair trade products are usually labeled with a fair trade mark. and sometimes even at convenience stores. shopping can make a difference. When you buy chocolate next time, you should give a little more thought to its bitter truth. For example, they carry Therefore, you can find them easily at shops, Your wise choices through everyday

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