Question

糖

英検2級のライティングです。
添削とアドバイスをお願いします。

Topic」Some people say that students spend too
much time doing club activities at school.
Do you agree with this opinion?
Idon't agree that students spend too much doing club activities at school.
First, it is necessary for the students to have that they takes a rest. I think
that it is a club activities. Second, some students go to school to do club
activities, and others only to learn. I'm sure that going to school to do club
activities is great. For these reasons, I don't agree with this opinion.

Answer 1

taka

内容、構成、語彙、文法(各4点)と単語数(80～100 words)を念頭に置いて作文する必要があります。全体的には大体できていると思いますが、簡単な文法的ミスをもっと減らすことが求められます。

・I don’t agree that students spend too much time doing club activities at school.（14　words）
→ 〇
参考：I don't agree with the opinion <that(同格の接続詞) students spend too much time doing club activities at school>.(17 words)
＜生徒が学校のクラブ活動に時間を使いすぎであるという＞意見には賛成しません。
追加・I have two reasons to support my opinion. (8 words)
私の意見を裏付ける2つの理由があります。
・First, it is necessary for the students to have [that(接続詞) they takes a rest].
（14　words）　　✕have+[名詞節]　✕they(複数)+takes(3単現S)
→ First, it is necessary for students to enjoy some activities for their physical and mental health as well as for a change. （21　words）
まず、気分転換のためだけでなく身体的且つ精神的健康のためにも、生徒がクラブ活動を楽しむことは必要です。
・I think that it is a club activities. （8　words）
✕itの内容が不明（it=a rest?）　✕[a] club [activities](複数)
→ I think they could broaden students’ human relations. (8 words)
それら（クラブ活動）は生徒の人間関係を広げる可能性があると思います。
・Second, some students go to school to do club activities, and others only to learn. （15　words）
→ 〇
・I’m sure that going to school to do club activities is great.　（12　words）
→ 〇
・For these reasons, I don’t agree with this opinion.　（9　words）
→ 〇
（Total:△72　words　→ 〇80～100 words）

参考にしてください。