Question

レイ低浮上気味

準2級の英作文の採点をお願いしますm(*_ _)m
条件
・50～60語
・理由2つ
日本語訳
Q年賀状を送る人は増えると思いますか？

A 私は年賀状を送る人は増えると思います。
理由は2つあります。
最初に、現代人は忙しいので、年賀状を書く時間があまり ありません。
次に、もし年賀状を送るのをやめたら、カードを買わなくていいのでお金が節約できます。

Do
think people will
Stop sending New Year's cards
you
in the future.
A
I think that people will stop sending New Year's cards in the future.
I have
two
reasons for this.
First, today people are very busy so they have little time.
to
write New Year's cards.
Second, if you stop sending New Year's cords.
you
do not have to
buy it so
can
you
save money.
Q

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

taka

全体的にはよくまとまっていると思います。
以下の修正をすれば、更に良くなると感じます。

I think that people will stop sending New Year's cards in the future. 〇
I have two reasons for this. 〇
First, today people are very busy so they have …. → First, today people are very busy, so they have ….
Second, if you stop sending New Year's cards, you do not have to buy it so you can save money.
→ Second, if they stop sending New Year's cards, people do not have to buy them, so they can save money. ※theyに統一
【別解答】
Yes, I do. ← Do you think …? の質問に明確に答える
I have two reasons for this.
First, today people are very busy, so they do not have much time to write New Year's cards.
Second, stop sending them will save people some money. ← New Year's cards の表現を1つ減らす＝同じ語句を何度も使わない
For these reasons I think people will stop sending New Year's cards in the future. ← 最後に自分の主張を再度明確にする

参考にしてください。

レイ低浮上気味

ありがとうございます！