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ほとんど間違いのない内容になっていると感じます。それだけに、細かいミスが目立ちます。
少しの訂正だけですが、参考にしてください。
It is said that famous tourist sites, such as castles and temples, should limit the number of visitors. → 〇
I agree with this opinion. 〇 → ◎ I agree with this opinion for two reasons.
First, It keeps people safe. △(It→it) → First, limiting the number of visitors keeps people safe.
This is because some visitors don’t follow the [role]. → This is because some visitors don’t follow the [rules].
Second, [It] is good for the environment. → Second, [it] is good for the environment.
This is because some visitors throw away [trush] on the road. → This is because some visitors throw away [trash] on the road.
For these reasons that I mentioned, I believe that famous tourist sites, such as castles and temples, should limit number of visitors. → For these reasons that I mentioned, I believe that famous tourist sites, such as castles and temples, should limit [the] number of visitors.
【別解答】
It is often said that popular tourist destinations, such as castles and temples, should limit the number of visitors. I agree with this idea for the following two reasons.
Firstly, doing so can help ensure the safety of all visitors. When too many people gather in one place, accidents are more likely to occur, especially if some do not follow the rules.
Secondly, limiting the number of visitors is beneficial for protecting the environment. Unfortunately, some tourists leave litter behind or damage cultural sites, which can negatively affect the beauty and cleanliness of these important places.
For these reasons, I believe it is necessary to control the number of people who visit famous tourist sites in order to preserve them for future generations.
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無事合格出来ました！
ありがとうございました🙇♀️