Question

名無しさん

英作文の小論文について、なんでも良いので意見をください！！

最近YouTubeで有名になることが若者がしたいことだ。YouTuberは適切な職業選択だろうか？理由や例を示しながら述べよ。(新潟大学 2020)

Becoming a YouTuber is a good choice.
This is because many YouTubers don't just want to be a YouTuber, they want to share their expertise with their audience.
For example, Suits, a YouTuber who went to railway school but couldn't get a job at a railway company, has used his knowledge of trains to make a lot of money making YouTube videos.
There are many other YouTubers, such as ex-Self-Defence officers and cram school teachers.
There are many people who share their lives on YouTube.
I think it's very interesting for the viewers.

英語 小論文

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

taka

全体的な内容、流れは分かり易く、このままでも十分合格点がとれる英作文だと思います。

訂正、あるいは改善した方がいいのは、以下の点です。
1. This is because many YouTubers don't just want … a YouTuber, they want to …. → This is because … a YouTuber, but they …
※not A but B AではなくBである
2. … a lot of money making YouTube videos → … a lot of money by making YouTube videos
※by ～ing ～することによって
3. There are many people who share … → There are a number of people who share …
※manyが3つあるので、別の同義語を使って数を減らす姿勢を示す　→　語彙力を積極的にアピールすることも大切！
4. There are many people who share their lives on YouTube. → There are many … their lives with other people on YouTube.
※他の人々との共有をより明確にする

参考にしてください。

名無しさん

ありがとうございます！参考にします！！