Question

妃菜乃

英検の英作文添削お願い致します！
topic

Do companies need to improve the way they treat thier workers?

way they then
treor
AI think that Companies neeod to inprove the wl
Aroun
their workeks Thet Ts hecause, this is a Sacial problem ploel
30
vorld I hare two recsons Suppart my opliwok
fist of all, Comparies shonld give to rけ
their wortes enaigh
time. Sone worker 15 keeping their jobs all day. But it
bod for their hed th. So. it leads to. dorsgpinss matke
69
for Their jobs because their tired. Also, Compontes shan
ld toke
care mdle temaile equality. for exomple, Tn lapar, wondin laie
titioaty getfing planated o returring to their jobs otter giving
birth and basin
their childen Therefore, Compantes bave to
Isuppot for woman
COsly Yetasning to thier jobs. Those oe
Can
the two rensons, I Companes shuld implore
I beliere that
Componies
impiore
the
Wor
May they trent their warkers

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

Xx_Saskia_xX

ぱっと気付いた所です。

That is because は不要

two reasons support ❌
two reasons to support⭕

enough to rest time ❌
enough rest ⭕
あるいは
enough day off⭕

Xx_Saskia_xX

some worker is ❌
some workers are ⭕

(be) keeping their jobs all day. ❌
(be) overworking.⭕

But it is ~ But は不要
It is bad for their health. 文法的に間違いではないが、
It is unhealthy for them. という方がすっきり聞こえる。

Xx_Saskia_xX

So, it leads to ~ So, は不要

dangerous mistake ❌
serious mistakes ⭕
この場合のmistake は複数に。
「深刻なミス」と言い換えてserious mistakes の方が良い。

Xx_Saskia_xX

because their tired.❌
because they are tired.⭕
あるいはr
because they're tired.⭕

Xx_Saskia_xX

should take care male-female equality.❌
should take care to gender equality.⭕

Xx_Saskia_xX

in Japan, woman have ❌
in Japan, women have ⭕ womanを複数に

妃菜乃

えー！ご丁寧にありがとうございます。本当に助かります。どうしたらいいか分からなかったので😂😂😂

Xx_Saskia_xX

companies have to support woman can easily returning ~ ❌
companies have to support women to return to their jobs easily. ⭕

Xx_Saskia_xX

These are the two reasons, ~
の部分は
For these two reasons, I believe that companies ~
とした方が良いと思います。

頑張って下さい。😃

妃菜乃

さらにご丁寧にありがとうございます。頑張ります！
感謝！！！👐

Xx_Saskia_xX

お役に立てて良かったです。
この質問を「解決済み」にして頂けると助かります。🙇

Xx_Saskia_xX

ベストアンサーを頂き有り難うございます❗🙂