Question

ゆる

１枚目の写真のTask1を参考にTask2でメールの返信を考える問題です。
２枚目に私が書いたものがあるので文法や単語ミスがないか添削してほしいです🙇‍♀️
３枚目に評価する時に先生がよく見てるところを貼ってるので参考にしていただけると幸いです

すみませんがよろしくお願いします🙇‍♀️

Task 1
Read the announcement below and take some notes.
Attention all Students!
G
A study abroad scholarship is available
Kla
011273
for next year. It will cover fees and
$12,000 in living expenses each year for
27012-2016 HE
のどこの大学でも
a two-year course at any university in
001873 ひがみかく
the U.S. Students can apply by writing a
letter to introduce themselves. The letter
will include:
1. Why they need the scholarship
pay for my tuition here.
Why do you need the money?
478401
↑
I barely have enough money to
1.
2.
I'm concerned about running up too
Support myse
(How much. many) debt
デット
How will you use the money?
1. rent
groceries
2.
The deadline is June 23rd.
2. How they plan to use the money
しめきり
3. transportation
Task 2
Write a letter applying for the scholarship (80-120 words). Use some of the words and phrases in th
box below.
barely have enough money/ concerned about / running up debt / keep a tight budget / necessities/
rent/groceries/transportation

Unity
Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm writing to apply for the study abroad scholarship. My name is C
),
and I'm studying (nursing). I would love to have the opportunity to study
in the U.S., but (I barely have enough money to support myself. I'm concerne
about running up debt, and I need to keep a tight budget. )
My main expenses would be (rent, groceries, and transportation). I would
spend (the scholarship money on these necessities and try to save as much as
possible while studying abroad. The scholarship would help me focus on my
education without constantly worrying about money).
Yours sincerely, (
).

Tips for better writing
1. 複文を避ける
2. 省略形を使わない
3. 否定ではなくI disagree with the idea.
I think driving is not a good idea...
4. 短文で書きながら 「接続詞」 「スピーチマーカー」を使う
(I don't think driving is a good idea...)
5. 受動態を避ける
6. 関係詞の使用は最小限にとどめる
7. シンプルに
8. 同じ単語の繰り返しを避ける