Question

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I don't agree with this opinion.

I have two reasons.

First, museums have to do maintenance regularly.

But, there is no money if we can enter museums for free.

So, we should pay money to maintain costs of maintenance.

Second, if we don’t have to pay money to enter museums, a lot of people must visit there.

It is not good because museums full of people and crowd.

It can be accidents.

It is necessary for us to guard our safety.

For these reasons, I think that we should pay money when we enter museums.

英検2級のwritingです。

冷静になって考えると、文法ごちゃごちゃすぎるし内容がよく分からなくなってるし、絶望の中にいてます←

これだと、大体どのくらい減点されますか？