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recentlyは主に現在完了と一緒に使うので、these daysにします
the popularity of ~ is increasingはそのままでいいです
peopleが出ているのでweではなくてtheyにして(the place where ~ our pets)を(places which they can enter with their pets)がいいような気がします

These days, the number of people who want to take their pets anywhere is increasing. As a result, the popularity of places which they can enter with their pets is increasing.
と表せると思います

お餅

丁寧な回答ありがとうございます!
参考になりました! 
自分じゃ気づけない間違いを指摘していただけてとても助かりました!☺️

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