Question

ひろあか

英検2級のwritingの添削をお願いしたいです。
どれ位で来ていないのか把握したいのでお願いします🙇‍♂️

| 第3回
TOPIC
Nowadays, many Japanese people are doing
volunteer work. Do you think the number of
these people will increase in the future?
POINTS
• Community
Experience
• Payment

I Think
I have two reasons why I think
To begin with, It is important
because
For example,
the number of these people will increase
In addition, I feel
For these
If I take part in
will
I teach children English as
volunteer.
I understand home to talle with children.
event
reason,
I become
50
increase
for
to do volunteer work.
it becomes good experience.
as
a member of several Communities.
a
a volunteer
in the future.
in
my
a lot of friends there.
I think the number of these people
in the future,
town

英検 writing 添削

Answer 1

✨ Best Answer ✨

Xx_Saskia_xX

添削してみました。参考になれば。

3行目
volunteer work
→ a volunteer work (一つだけする場合)
又は
volunteer works (いくつか決めてないが一つ以上する場合)
いずれかに変える。

4行目
it becomes a good experience.
→ it gives me a good experience. (a volunteer work にした場合)
又は
it gives me good experiences. (volunteer works にした場合)

6行目
I understand ~ .
→ 前の文と関係代名詞でつなぐ
~ as a volunteer, which makes me understand how to talk with children. (子供とどう話すか理解させてくれる)
又は
~ as a volunteer which helps me understand how to talk with children.(子供とどう話すかの理解に役立つ)

7~8行目
~, I feel a member of several communities. If I take part ~
→ ~, I feel a sense of belonging in the communities when I take a part in events as a volunteer staff in my town.

9行目
I become a lot of friends there.
→ I can make a lot of friends there.

10行目
For these reason,
→ For these reasons,

~, I think the number of these people ~
→ ~, I think the number of Japanese people who join volunteer works will increase in the future.

Xx_Saskia_xX

these people ですが、直前の文では「私のボランティア経験や感想」を述べているので、それを受けるのに these people だとつながりがわかりません。
結論の文は、改めて主題の文を少し言い換えて、自分の主張として締めると良いと思います。

Xx_Saskia_xX

訂正です。
volunteer の後にカンマを付ける。
~ as a volunteer, which helps me understand how to talk with children.(子供とどう話すかの理解に役立つ)

ひろあか

ありがとうございます！！
参考にします！！！