Question

ゲスト

英検準一級　英作文問題
TOPIC
Agree or disagree
People should not change jobs once they have got one.
POINTS
Support a family
Salary
Professional growth
Career progression
Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
自分の解答
I disagree with the idea that people should not change the jobs once they have got one. I have two reasons to support my opinion.
First of all , salary will be high when people change their jobs . For example those who want to quit their jobs and employ another company have very good career. when they get another work , the amount of money that they gain is much more than before.
Second of all , the career progression makes you skill up. For instance you change your job and this means you must do another job that you have experienced ever before.so you have to learn and study a lot. Then you get another knowledge.
According to these reasons , I think that people ought to change their jobs at least twice.
この英作文の添削をしてほしいのです。16点満点中何点つけられますか。

Answer 1

しのびー

添削しました。確認してみてください。

https://docs.google.com/document/d/15UMqC7EwpjlXrOI9o5iamDsU2UjEHT-OqX5pwubGSX4/edit?usp=drivesdk

しのびー

矢印にして書き直してます。もう一度書いてみるのもいいかもしれません。

ゲスト

ありがとうございます